I’ve booked to get a tattoo at Vagabond studios on Hackney Road, after extensive research, and am so excited. I’ve wanted one for ages and thought the semicolon would be a perfect one for me, but then for various reasons I don’t think that would be so appropriate anymore. I’ve therefore given it some thought and decided on a minimalist design of sand dunes/ a mountain range.

Of course, when I told my mother she went off on one about how I should get a meaningful tattoo – which this is, but I can’t tell her why. She and I don’t have the best relationship at all, so I can’t tell her that this tattoo is simultaneously a representation of where my father (who I’ve never met) is from (somewhere I can never visit) and of a mountain range (about as far removed from the sand dunes as you can get, and as high as you can go on foot). There’s the added (cheesy) bonus that it looks like a heartbeat, which I love because it points towards the father bit but also to the reminder that I’m still here, despite everything.

I can’t tell my mother this as ever since she found out the meaning behind the semicolon she has slipped into conversation the fact that ‘all teenagers feel depressed’. It’s taken all of my resolve to not turn around and snap back that it’s things like that, and people like her, who cause that ‘feeling’ to become a very real, very scary mental health issue that results in far too many teenagers ‘feeling depressed’ and ending their lives, and I can’t tell her that I was almost one of them.

But this tattoo! I am so excited – I’ll post a photo of it when I get it done.


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