Chapter One

04/01/2018

I think it’s safe to say that 2017 was a year with a penchant for turning things upside down and a knack for causing trouble, but it is no longer 2017.

I have another blog, but reading through it over the last few weeks made me realise just how sad all the stuff was that I’d thought enough about to type up. This is its counter; no more wallowing in despair unless I can also write something good about it too, silver linings all the way from now on.

Over the last few weeks I’ve been focusing a lot on Morocco – I was there surfing at the beginning of December and it was definitely the best thing I could’ve done. I nearly didn’t go, because of him, but I did and for a week everything here that had been so completely heartbreaking and all-consuming seemed to evaporate in the sun. I met people I would never have met otherwise, and rode a camel, surfed, laughed, smiled, and was properly happy. I could think about everything that had happened without shutting down or dissolving into a mess of tears, and there began forming a way out of the awful pit I’d been in before.

Coming home from there was sad – it was an emotional trip for many reasons, not only because it was a retreat – but it was also a chance for me draw on those sun-kissed memories and start holding my head up again. Now, weeks later, I am so incredibly proud of myself; I could have stayed home and allowed things to stay the same, bad, but instead I did something scary and am growing from it.

I think it’s important to look back at things, but imperative to hold in mind just how far you’ve come. If you’re looking back happily then fantastic, hold onto that happiness and grow it to spill from you in smiles and laughter. If you’re looking back sadly then learn from what it is that made you sad. If you’re doing what I’m doing, looking back with a heart-wrenching mixture of both then you must stand up and begin looking forward, taking from your past elements that will help you to move on. Life doesn’t stop when you want it to, time doesn’t slow down, the universe isn’t put on hold because you will it to be so, and nothing ever stays the same. Stand tall and find a reason to be proud of yourself, look how far you’ve come, and look how much further you will go.

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